My Favorite Student

In walks student “A” already distraught and worked up from whatever happened at home or on the way to school. Tears flowing and unable to even tell me what’s going on. In the meantime I’m thinking, “I need to prepare all PowerPoints for the day, take attendance, monitor breakfast in the classroom… oh did I remember to email _____ back? Why is my classroom phone ringing at 7:45am? Oh you need help with your morning math challenge because you want to win the prize? I don’t have time.”

In walks student “B”. Oh Lord. No medicine today. I can already tell. Mean looks, mean words… just too many words. STOP. Bouncing off the walls. A million things out on his desk. STOP. Please STOP.

In walks student “C”. But I didn’t notice. This student blends in. Compliant, quiet, insecure.

Then the guilt floods in. Why did I just notice student “C”. I marked her absent, but she’s actually here. Did I even look her in the eyes and say “Good Morning”? How hard is that? Why didn’t I notice? I’m the worst teacher ever.

Student “A”… what do I do? I don’t have time to sit there and wait for her to tell me what’s going on. Think on my feet… “Can you write down what’s bothering you? Then I’ll write you a note back!” Good. That one’s taken care of. (Thank God she knows how to write! Yay for teaching 2^nd grade!)

Student “B”…what do I do? Pencils. Of course. “Hey sweetheart, please sharpen ALL of the pencils.” Perfect. Now that one’s taken care of.

Student “C”… what do I do? Walk over, squat down and look her in the eyes. “I am SO glad you’re at school today! Our class wouldn’t be complete without you.”

Now it’s 7:55 and only 10 minutes of the day has gone by. Only 6 hours and 50 minutes left. Oh, and 18 other students with their own unique personalities and needs. I’ll spare you the details of students D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U.

Why are people crazy enough to do this job? I’m actually not sure. But for whatever reason, I do it and somehow I love it.

Today while driving one of my students to the Community Center after tutoring she asked me if she was my favorite student. Of course I explained how each and every one of my students is unique and it would be impossible to choose a favorite. “We need everyone to make our class awesome!”

It got me thinking about how we should treat the people around us. What would the world be like if we treated everyone like they are our favorite? Can you imagine going into the grocery store and having an employee notice you and make you feel like you are the only customer in the entire store? What about when you’re with your family? What if your mom, dad, brother or sister paid such careful attention to you, making you feel like the favorite?

Whether all these thoughts make sense together or not, I’m not sure. What I do know is that there sure are a lot of things that make us feel stressed and overwhelmed each day. Regardless of that, the most important thing is the people we are around. Not the to-do list, not the cleaning, not the errands. Not all those things running through your head constantly.

The people. The people are the most important.

Who are your people? Mine are 21 eight-year-olds for the majority of my week. 

Think about who your people are. 

(Then let go of all the things you didn’t accomplish today and let tomorrow be a new day. A fresh start. Another day to know and be known by the people around you.)

Resisting

Resisting

For my whole life people would always say to me how good I was with kids. They were convinced I’d marry and have children young.  That is, of course, what girls in the South are supposed to do. I had created this vision of my future: Meet my husband junior year of college, get engaged senior year, get married right after graduation, be married for a 1 year, then have baby #1, two years later baby #2… etc. So by the time I was 30 I would have 4 kids. Just in time to adopt #5 in my early 30s. Oh and my husband would be wealthy enough for me to be a stay-at-home mom. College would be a time-filler for me until my real life as a stay-at-home mom began. Said plan of course, did not exactly play out like that…

For as long as I can remember, I volunteered in the nursery at church. Then, when I was 11 years old, my mom found out she was pregnant with my sweet baby brother! I became the “built in babysitter”, which I loved. As my friends played with baby dolls, I played with a real live baby! I loved babies, and was strangely good with them, and really all kids.

I also loved to make my own money. Independence was something I prided myself off of. Partially because I am gifted in the area of responsibility, partly because I was self-protecting because of abuse I had encountered for years (rest of that story for another time). My means of making money was babysitting. I watched basically anyone and everyone’s kids. Little did I know, I was gaining invaluable knowledge about how kids work.

I went through high school doing two main things: hanging out with my friends and watching other people’s kids. However, if someone ever told me I should be a teacher, I quickly rejected that suggestion. Why? Because teachers don’t make any money! Plus, what a cliché occupation for a white girl who was never really good at anything else- no sports, no arts, nothing… just kids. I attempted to pursue becoming a doctor- I wanted to be an OBGYN. I watched the Discovery Health Channel and was enthralled by childbirth. However, I had two big problems: 1. I was terrible at math and science. 2. I hated the idea of being in school until I was 30, because like I mentioned earlier, that didn’t quite fit into my timeline- so having my own kids would have to suffice.

What was I supposed to do? As college neared, I had no idea what I was going to study. It’s funny and sad how great the pressure is for a 16 or 17 year old to choose what they want to do for the REST OF THEIR LIFE. I applied to a state university because I had friends going there. I got accepted. But I had one problem, one thing holding me back- a boy. And yes, he should be called a boy, not man, for we were only 17 and far too young to try to align our lives with each others. But I was convinced he would be my husband. At the time I would have never admitted that the reason I stayed in Nashville was for him. It’s funny that sometimes you look back and realize the humor in it all. God had to use something I would pay attention to to get me to follow his leading, because Lord knows, I wouldn’t have stayed for any other reason.

So, Community College it would be. I had friends going there, so that part was okay with me. And, said boy was also attending the school. It was definitely fun. The classes weren’t very hard. I was able to nanny for a family, go to school and keep up an avid social life.

But that couldn’t, and wouldn’t, last forever, and deep down I knew it! I wouldn't be able to resist the call for much longer. 

Happy first day... of a different season!

Today is the first day of school for most students in Tennessee. For the past 3 years I nervously arrived at school early to make sure everything was ready for my new little ones. Everything from morning work and crayons on their desks, parent information cards and packets ready to hand out, and the perfect book to read to break the ice. (“First Day Jitters” is the best!) Oh, and Play-Doh! I made it my tradition to let the kids play with Play-Doh in the morning as I frantically tried to meet the parents and get them to fill out contact info… which became VERY necessary to have throughout the year. Can I get an “amen” from all my teacher friends? 

Nothing is quite like day one. It is probably the quietest day of school in the whole year. I learned after my first year of teaching to appreciate the uniqueness of the first day. Everything changes from that day on. Those kids, who start off as awkward strangers, become the most precious, loved and talked about people in my life. I always wonder how I’m going to love another group of kids. For the first month or so, all I do is compare them to my previous class. It always amazes me when all of the sudden my conversations with friends shift from “how am I going to love this class?” to “oh how I love _______, listen to what happened at school today!”

Without fail, my heart grows. My love increases. The new group become “my kids”, just as the previous class did, and the one before that too. 

Today, there is a huge void in my heart. It's not the first day of school for me. It's the first day of a different season. It takes seasons like this to bring perspective and to realize exactly what God has wired me for. I eagerly await the first day of grad classes for ME at Vanderbilt. My “kids” are my motivation and bringing Glory to God is my purpose. As I step out in faith into what has proven to be one of the hardest seasons of my life, I think about those little faces and future faces of all the kids that will one day be “my kids” and I run the race with perseverance! I’m asking the Lord to “surprise me” as I lean into the discomfort of change and fear of the unknown. 

When Things Get Hard

“This is hard!” As a teacher, these words are music to my ears! “YES!” I say,  “Yes it is hard!!! It’s supposed to be hard." My only regret is that they didn’t start saying this sooner! Some put their heads down on my table and tears start coming out of their eyes. I hand them a Kleenex and ask them what they are going to do about it! If you know me, you know I’m not making this up. As young as my kids are, I have them decide right away, on their own, what they are going to choose. I say, “Go ahead and give up and head back to your desk... OR stay here and allow me to teach you. That’s my job. That’s why I’m here! My job is to keep on teaching until you get it!” 

“Are you going to try? Or are you going to give up?”

I can’t help but think about this in the context of our own lives. 

Our biggest victories happen when things are hard. But only if we don’t give up. Stay near to the Teacher and allow Him to do His job.

Psalm 145:18

“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”

Hebrews 10:22

“Let us draw near to God with sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings...”

2 Corinthians 12:9

“...My power is made perfect in weakness.”

Even When There Is No Hope

My dad suggested that I write another post. He asked me if there was anything going on with my kids. I responded “there’s always stuff going on with my kids!”

This year I definitely struggle to sit down and write about what’s going on in my school and with my kids. Partially because I’m pretty exhausted by the end of the day. I already spend time with my kids, think about my kids, and almost every night, dream about them too. And partially because I struggle to believe that people out there want to know what’s going on with them. 

One of my greatest internal battles this year is to believe that there is hope for the Napier community. Yup. I said it. I’ve been discouraged and hit with the stark reality that the journey I’m embarking on is nearly impossible. Think about how hopeless a 4x4 block of apartments with concrete floors and no a/c or heat is? Although originally the idea of “projects” was in an effort to help people, what it seems to have become now is a place to contain them. And within the Napier projects, is one of the most drug and crime infested communities in our city. Can you imagine what it’s like to live there? To be a 6 year old who just wants to go play outside, but cannot because people are “shooting from up top”. 

Just last week alone, my school was put on 3 different lock-downs because of various crime outbreaks in the neighborhood. (The negative effects of living somewhere like this on a child's performance in school are great. I will write about that another time.) 

Yet, within my struggle, God seems to be orchestrating the details of my life. He seems to be preparing and equipping me with all I need for whatever it is I am accomplishing and will accomplish. In the last few months, I’ve been reading a book about faith and revisiting stories in the Bible about “heroes of the faith”, I’ve been struck by the situations these people were in. If only I had time to sit down with each of you to discuss them all over a cup of coffee....

Anyway, Romans 4:18 in the New Living Translation says “Even when there was no hope, Abraham kept hoping- believing that he would become the father of many nations.”

Abraham was in a hopeless situation, yet still believed. (Read Genesis 15-22 for yourself.) He clung to the promise God had given him and believed that God was faithful and trustworthy. Read the story for yourself to see how it ended! :)

As I approach the end of year 2 of teaching, I strive to have Abraham's same faith. I sit here with eager expectation for God to change my heart, giving me hope against all hope.

Ultimate hallway rebellion and Psalm 103

Majority of my class came in this morning in a bad mood. I could sense it from the time the first few walked in the door. I thought to myself that this was going to be quite the day. 7:45am is EARLY... and VERY far away from 3:45pm (dismissal). 

Tantrum after tantrum. Fit after fit. Rude words. Tears. Pushing. Feet stomping. Arms crossed. Eyes rolled. That’s the kind of day my kids had. One student told me she doesn’t like 1st grade anymore and doesn’t like being in my class. She went on and on for about an hour telling me how she wanted to be back in Kindergarten. Apparently Kindergarten is fun and 1st grade is not!

Another student, “K”, had a very tough day too. She didn’t want to do anything I asked her to do. In fact, she did the opposite. I spent most of the morning ignoring her behavior. For some reason I wasn’t that frustrated. I spoke kindly and encouraged her to “make better choices”. It didn’t really work, but I’m glad I didn’t flip out. 

I need to explain hallway procedures at my school. The students are to walk without talking, hands behind their backs and make frequent stops at posted “stop” signs. They are not to touch the walls- ever. So, of course, when one of my lovely children is mad at me, they walk down the hallway, sliding their entire body across the wall. It’s the ultimate form of hallway rebellion. 

K was mad and showed me by doing this. But today I chose a different tactic. I walked beside her in the hall, softly rubbed her back and kept my hand on her shoulder. I couldn’t stop thinking about Psalm 103:8-10.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;

he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.

Today, K needed me to be compassionate. And God needed me to show her the kind of grace that He shows me every single day. I found her beside me time after time today hugging my leg and kissing my cheeks. For whatever reason, she had a rough day and had trouble obeying, but what she needed most was to know that I unconditionally loved her. 

Isn’t that what we all want? Unconditional love, forgiveness, grace and compassion. I pray that I can continue to reflect the character of God to my students. I also pray that you are reminded of His great and abounding love for you too. 

First year Finished!

So now it’s summer. My first year of teaching is complete. I originally planned on writing a post right after school ended, but I think I was just so tired that it took me two weeks!

I understand now how people teach for like 30+ years. Each day brings with it something new/exciting/challenging. Although I spent, on average, 10 hours a day at school, it felt like no time at all. Days flew by! Every day was something new- and look now, my first year is finished! I wonder if I will feel this same way in 10 or so years?!

I spent the first 2 months in survival mode. The next 2, persevering through frustration. The winter months I had to cram a bunch of academics because of how little I taught the first 4 months. By the time it was spring, I caught myself having tons of sentimental moments because I realized how quickly I was going to have to say goodbye to my kids. By spring, I finally felt like I figured this whole teaching thing out… at least enough to maintain classroom management, teach all the standards and have a little bit of fun while doing it.

One of the things I realized this year was that no matter how challenging a situation is, if you are walking in God’s will, there will be His grace to sustain you. My parents have taught me that the most important thing in life is to follow the call of God. In doing so, comes the most rich of experiences and eternal rewards. The second part is the hard part because your present circumstances don’t always reap immediate rewards. But I’m learning that that is okay.

I pray that in this past year I was able to impact the lives of the students that were in my class. My heart’s desire is that I was able to show my kids the love of Jesus. I tied shoes, opened milk containers, wiped noses, held hands, gave hugs, encouraged, scolded, drove home… and taught.

My encouragement to you is not to be an inner city teacher- unless that’s what God has called you to- but rather, to ask God what it is that He would have you do, and whatever that is, follow the call.

*Have you heard about my parent’s next adventure? Watch the video below! 

* Also, a big thanks to everyone who helped me through this year. My family, my friends, my Harpeth Hills life group and more.