Resisting
For my whole life people would
always say to me how good I was with kids. They were convinced I’d marry and
have children young. That is, of course, what girls in the South are supposed
to do. I had created this vision of my future: Meet my husband junior year of
college, get engaged senior year, get married right after graduation, be
married for a 1 year, then have baby #1, two years later baby #2… etc. So by
the time I was 30 I would have 4 kids. Just in time to adopt #5 in my early
30s. Oh and my husband would be wealthy enough for me to be a stay-at-home mom.
College would be a time-filler for me until my real life as a stay-at-home mom
began. Said plan of course, did not exactly play out like that…
For as long as I can remember, I volunteered in the nursery
at church. Then, when I was 11 years old, my mom found out she was pregnant
with my sweet baby brother! I became the “built in babysitter”, which I loved.
As my friends played with baby dolls, I played with a real live baby! I loved
babies, and was strangely good with them, and really all kids.
I also loved to make my own money. Independence was
something I prided myself off of. Partially because I am gifted in the area of
responsibility, partly because I was self-protecting because of abuse I had
encountered for years (rest of that story for another time). My means of making
money was babysitting. I watched basically anyone and everyone’s kids. Little
did I know, I was gaining invaluable knowledge about how kids work.
I went through high school doing two main things: hanging
out with my friends and watching other people’s kids. However, if someone ever
told me I should be a teacher, I quickly rejected that suggestion. Why? Because
teachers don’t make any money! Plus, what a cliché occupation for a white girl
who was never really good at anything else- no sports, no arts, nothing… just
kids. I attempted to pursue becoming a doctor- I wanted to be an OBGYN. I
watched the Discovery Health Channel and was enthralled by childbirth. However,
I had two big problems: 1. I was terrible at math and science. 2. I hated the
idea of being in school until I was 30, because like I mentioned earlier, that
didn’t quite fit into my timeline- so having my own kids would have to suffice.
What was I supposed to do? As college neared, I had no idea
what I was going to study. It’s funny and sad how great the pressure is for a
16 or 17 year old to choose what they want to do for the REST OF THEIR LIFE. I
applied to a state university because I had friends going there. I got
accepted. But I had one problem, one thing holding me back- a boy. And yes, he
should be called a boy, not man, for we were only 17 and far too young to try
to align our lives with each others. But I was convinced he would be my husband.
At the time I would have never admitted that the reason I stayed in Nashville
was for him. It’s funny that sometimes you look back and realize the humor in
it all. God had to use something I would pay attention to to get me to follow
his leading, because Lord knows, I wouldn’t have stayed for any other reason.
So, Community College it would be. I had friends going
there, so that part was okay with me. And, said boy was
also attending the school. It was definitely fun. The classes weren’t very
hard. I was able to nanny for a family, go to school and keep up an avid social
life.
But that couldn’t, and wouldn’t, last forever, and deep down
I knew it! I wouldn't be able to resist the call for much longer.
