Even When There Is No Hope

My dad suggested that I write another post. He asked me if there was anything going on with my kids. I responded “there’s always stuff going on with my kids!”

This year I definitely struggle to sit down and write about what’s going on in my school and with my kids. Partially because I’m pretty exhausted by the end of the day. I already spend time with my kids, think about my kids, and almost every night, dream about them too. And partially because I struggle to believe that people out there want to know what’s going on with them. 

One of my greatest internal battles this year is to believe that there is hope for the Napier community. Yup. I said it. I’ve been discouraged and hit with the stark reality that the journey I’m embarking on is nearly impossible. Think about how hopeless a 4x4 block of apartments with concrete floors and no a/c or heat is? Although originally the idea of “projects” was in an effort to help people, what it seems to have become now is a place to contain them. And within the Napier projects, is one of the most drug and crime infested communities in our city. Can you imagine what it’s like to live there? To be a 6 year old who just wants to go play outside, but cannot because people are “shooting from up top”. 

Just last week alone, my school was put on 3 different lock-downs because of various crime outbreaks in the neighborhood. (The negative effects of living somewhere like this on a child's performance in school are great. I will write about that another time.) 

Yet, within my struggle, God seems to be orchestrating the details of my life. He seems to be preparing and equipping me with all I need for whatever it is I am accomplishing and will accomplish. In the last few months, I’ve been reading a book about faith and revisiting stories in the Bible about “heroes of the faith”, I’ve been struck by the situations these people were in. If only I had time to sit down with each of you to discuss them all over a cup of coffee....

Anyway, Romans 4:18 in the New Living Translation says “Even when there was no hope, Abraham kept hoping- believing that he would become the father of many nations.”

Abraham was in a hopeless situation, yet still believed. (Read Genesis 15-22 for yourself.) He clung to the promise God had given him and believed that God was faithful and trustworthy. Read the story for yourself to see how it ended! :)

As I approach the end of year 2 of teaching, I strive to have Abraham's same faith. I sit here with eager expectation for God to change my heart, giving me hope against all hope.

Ultimate hallway rebellion and Psalm 103

Majority of my class came in this morning in a bad mood. I could sense it from the time the first few walked in the door. I thought to myself that this was going to be quite the day. 7:45am is EARLY... and VERY far away from 3:45pm (dismissal). 

Tantrum after tantrum. Fit after fit. Rude words. Tears. Pushing. Feet stomping. Arms crossed. Eyes rolled. That’s the kind of day my kids had. One student told me she doesn’t like 1st grade anymore and doesn’t like being in my class. She went on and on for about an hour telling me how she wanted to be back in Kindergarten. Apparently Kindergarten is fun and 1st grade is not!

Another student, “K”, had a very tough day too. She didn’t want to do anything I asked her to do. In fact, she did the opposite. I spent most of the morning ignoring her behavior. For some reason I wasn’t that frustrated. I spoke kindly and encouraged her to “make better choices”. It didn’t really work, but I’m glad I didn’t flip out. 

I need to explain hallway procedures at my school. The students are to walk without talking, hands behind their backs and make frequent stops at posted “stop” signs. They are not to touch the walls- ever. So, of course, when one of my lovely children is mad at me, they walk down the hallway, sliding their entire body across the wall. It’s the ultimate form of hallway rebellion. 

K was mad and showed me by doing this. But today I chose a different tactic. I walked beside her in the hall, softly rubbed her back and kept my hand on her shoulder. I couldn’t stop thinking about Psalm 103:8-10.

The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.

He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;

he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.

Today, K needed me to be compassionate. And God needed me to show her the kind of grace that He shows me every single day. I found her beside me time after time today hugging my leg and kissing my cheeks. For whatever reason, she had a rough day and had trouble obeying, but what she needed most was to know that I unconditionally loved her. 

Isn’t that what we all want? Unconditional love, forgiveness, grace and compassion. I pray that I can continue to reflect the character of God to my students. I also pray that you are reminded of His great and abounding love for you too.